ZOMGWTFBBQ?

I am not sure how I feel about anything anymore.
Part of me wants to complain and whine about how God is so mean and does not desire for us to be happy, but I take that back. He's blessed me hardcore. I guess that I am trying to take more than I can chew from God.

This past week, I decided to do something different. I decided to be honest and intentional about my feelings towards somebody. The people that I had spoken to about the situation sounded very very skeptical at first but then, one of them changed their skeptical hat into a supportive one. I was all stressed and worried that this was the wrong move to make. I had been dealing with these feelings since the end of the summer. Honestly, I didn't see a point in waiting. I think that the pursual of this girl would have affected my decisons following this GreaterWorks year. Now it won't. Now she won't. I think that I am okay with that. I am so consumed with my desire and longing for companionship, sometimes it sucks. I believe that the story of my life is... affection, rejection, disappointment. Is there a solution?

Well, after much discussion with a couple of people close to me, I've learned a few things. I need to enjoy the single life. I need to enjoy not having anyone to think about, but myself. I need to trust in God and trust in His timing for me and my future wife. I need to just focus on doing what I am doing and then everything should be clear. It's so damn hard though. It's so damn hard. I've always had someone in my life whom I've had affection for and it keeps me going. When do I make that paradigm shift to always thinking and having affection for Christ? I mean, after all, He does provide and love me in no way than a girl can. He offers and gives me love that my family has failed to give.

I'm broken.
I'm bent to sin.
I'm desperate.
I'm hurting within.