my time off from GreaterWorks so far has been very relaxing. i'm so happy to be able to just hang out and not worry about, well, anything. i'm so blessed to have the people who support me and who are willing to take me in whenever need be. im staying at my best friends house right now and it's just awesome. i am back to playing lots of video games, but hey, i haven't been playing much for the past nine months, so i guess that it is okay. i don't really have anything to take care of while i am down here, but to wrap things before moving up to kansas city and figure things with immigration and all of that non-sense. i do feel a sense of emptiness and uneasiness, though. i'm worried about moving out to kansas city. what will it be like? how will it be? i think ultimately, i just feel lonely. i miss seeing a certain someone every day and seeing her smile and hearing her laugh. but, this break was good. i was in a jealous rage all weekend long. i was jealous of the fact that she was able to pour into him and talk with him but she couldn't with me. i was so stressed and worried about it, i was starting to develop sores in my mouth and feeling a stomach ache all the time. maybe this is a sign of me dwelling on it too much. is this what love is supposed to feel like?
as I prepare for the summer, a myriad of emotions are running through my head. i'm pretty anxious and excited to meet my site staff for the summer. i can't wait to pour into them and love on them and do better with them than i did on the spring break trips. i can't wait. quad cities should be pretty legit. i have some shoes to fill. since it is a pretty well-kept site, as well as, a long standing site. i hope that i can fulfill that role well and that my area director can remain happy and pleased with me.
i've come to the conclusion that i need to discuss things with her. i need to get all of these feelings out into the open and away from my heart. it is totally up to her how she takes those feelings. but, i think that i am prepared for either way. my heart is torn about what to do and i can't help but just sit and wonder and ponder what there is do. why can i not be content with what we have now? why do i desire more? i'm not sure of this answer, atm.
anyways -- im back in dallas, but im missing kansas city. i am having meals with lots of people and just keeping it on the low down while i am here. i love it.
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