Wow. hell of a start to a year.
She's gone. She will be gone until I see her in eternity.
I guess she gets to go and chill with my Dad up there.
-- RIP Aleesha, 01-07-08
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On to less important things.
I find that I can not be loving to those people, more specifically guys who would rather stay at home, be a lazy ass, and mooch off of their parents. I also find it hard to be loving to guys who have a call to a greater role in their home, but neglect to take it. To those who say they just want to have fun and have no worries, I would like for you to know that you are dumb and can't accept what has been given to you. Also, would you like to know something? I tried to even go and apologize to this dude that shall remain nameless about something and he completely shut me off. Even though the stuff that I had apologized for, wasn't really mine for the taking. In fact, I feel like he should've apologized to me for being such a douche bag.
I wrote a paper on the roles and responsibilities of a guy. Am I fulfulling them? Am I spitting out hypocritical misjudgements just to release my frustrations of the life that I have had to go through? I don't know.
Something that is also frustrating the hell out of me is the fact that people are so flaky, non-committable, and people who mainly want to keep their options open. Those closest to me are even worse than those who I would label an acquaintance. Circumstances, yeah, thats a big factor. Maybe you just don't give a damn. MAYBE. Perhaps I am being a selfish, immature asshole who just desires for too much. meh.
I am praying. I am praying that God will work in my heart. Praying that I can accept the things that I can not change, strength to change the things I can, and discernment to decide on right and wrong. Living in this world is such a huge grey area, it's frustrating.
Excuse my language.
The saying -- "The greatest thing in life is loving somebody and being loved in returned." (I butchered that probably.) is so true. Due to my personality, I have liked/pursued many relationships. And one by one they all broke. They all disappeared. Recently, what I thought was a relationship was no more than being another contestant in a pool of guys. It's pretty gay.
Screw dating books, they don't work. "You should become really good friends before even thinking about dating.." horse crap. Once you become friends, thats the mindset that the girl's head will remain in. Oh, Harold? -- He's just a friend. One more thing -- if a girl breaks up with a guy or vice versa, you can still be friends, but it takes so much effort and TIME. Relient K sums it all up. No, I don't hate you, don't wanna fight you, know that I will always love you, but right now I just don't like you. Don't call me immature to appear all emo'ish. You took a knife, stuck it in my heart, twisted it and then tried to pull it out. Disgraceful. Unloving. Rude.
Again, I think this is my immature side of my brain releasing tension.
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