That November was so stupid and emotionally eradic, I am not sure if I want to return to something like that IF I decide to pursue again. I've been chilling by the sidelines for the past year and a half. I honestly can't say that I was hoping for diaster for this couple or if I was hoping that they succeed so that I could take that as confirmation from God-Himself that I need to move on, brush her off of my thoughts and feelings and hope for the best.
Scenario time.
a.) I could just ignore the fact that she is single. And continue on with finding someone in this world. I want to continue on my road with her as a friend and someone to be there for when she needs someone. I want to continue to aim for neutrality in our friendship and keep things emotionally at bay.
b.) I consider this a sign. I wonder if God is trying to tell me something in their relationship failing. All of this appears to be very selfish of me. Should I pursue her again? Should I try and figure out and position myself and future towards her? Ok maybe, but I am not sure yet.
Honestly, I am also not sure about some of the things that she does. If she does in fact throw things out in the open to give me a reaction. If she is constantly testing me like the way that she does. I want to take her out and discuss this all, but it is too soon. WAY TOO DAMN SOON.
Maybe in the fall? Maybe next year if she is still single?
ugh. crap.
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