Complaining.

Dear Lord,

I am frustrated, curious, and demanding. Some part of me, the selfish side of me just wants her to make up her mind. I want her to stop thinking about it so much and just make up her mind. That is the demanding part of me speaking. I am just not sure if You had even designed dating to be this complicated. Man, this sucks. I am not going to lie. I think that my problem is that I put way too much faith into it. I think way too far ahead from my own good. You designed me that way, but how can I cope with that if I don’t have some sort of balance right there.

To hear her say “I can’t see you in my future and it scares me.” That was heart-breaking in itself. I am not sure if I am going to be able to comprehend that without it breaking my heart. Sometimes I think I am too emotional for my own good. God, why did You design us like this!? I know that I am a sinner. I know that anytime something like this happens, my heart gets broken and I always question why God does things kinds of things. It sucks. I don’t want to question You. I don’t want to question and doubt the life that You have planned for me. I just pray that You can give me the life and the discernment to just deal with all of this emotional turmoil. School is starting up, a chance to meet new friends. Work is going okay, not really any kind of friends that I want to get close to. I think that You know that I am/was getting too comfortable. So either You’re shaking my world up right now or You want me to move on. I don’t think that she is holding me back. If anything, she was building me up! She was making me push forward! I know also that You throw people in my life to help sharpen me and build me up. But, why do You have to do it through the influence of significant others? God, give me the opportunity to be involved in her life. Give me the patience to wait for anything. Give me the perseverance to move on if she is not in my future.